Because there never seems to be enough love in the world to fill the wound, my wounded self riots. At times the debauchery seems good natured enough, flamboyant yet without harm, at other times the disturbance is apparently violent and the issuing tumult a crime. All for want of wholeness and sanity I pursue shattered fractured activity just to keep from dwelling where I cannot live, where there is no air. I want land beneath my feet and full, full lungs; on my own I find neither of these and little else of use. Isolation even in a crowd is the tell tale sign that I am in the me, myself and I mode of drowning in a teacup and require rescue. Little more than raising my hand above the surface and asking for help is needed though this is a Herculean effort as we all know. Rowing up stream is a bigger battle then it ever looks and I know the river runs through me.
Turn, turn, turn then rest
I’ve spent years trying to put names on the streets in my 12th step map.
Post clear signs with monikers easy to remember, themed and progressive
But I have been wasting my time, the map is there, no doubt.
I have seen people follow it to varying degrees.
The names are unnecessary, like ants, we trail each others scent.
We track so closely as not to loose visual contact, we don’t play with our survival.
Or we are bees standing in front of the meeting
doing the dance, which describes the path to sobriety
with meaningful jokes, and well earned tears.
As I stand at the foot of a few twenty-fours
and see the evolution of my recovery
I realize the names in the placards are ever-changing.
Meaning and value pour through the kaleidoscope of time
and come out as indescribable gifts, which I can only give through action.
I will no longer fritter away my time looking for tags and titles
You are reading selections from More Sober on the Way to Sane and Lines From My Life by Sherrie Theriault