SIZING GOD UP
God doesn’t need to be big. I only look for a big God when I feel very small. I turn to God as compensation for my feelings, as some sort of bolster to brace myself with. I have found when I am diminished in any way, God is tucked in a corner or pocket or drawer. I flee to the great out of doors and find earth, nature and wind but the God of my understanding is proportionate to my mental state. My partner is with me, near enough to hear the fear pour off my skin. God doesn’t run from me to adventures in the wild. I want to escape myself regularly but this is not my Higher Power’s defect. I come back to God when I stop running from me. I face my reflection and recognize I am not towered over by a giant God; I am yoked with a power to share the load.
Enjoy the shape of things.
This is what happens when you are stupid,
the same thing which happens
when you are smart yet afraid.
It doesn’t matter what dulls your sword,
your edge is gone.
Due diligence is required to hone it to first gleam,
what will it take to do it again
I don’t know and I rather not know.
If I can do the thing,
the thing which stands in front of me,
do it with whatever will I have
I am better off and stronger for it.
Better than to be the soft hearted genius
sitting in the corner or the soft headed idiot
standing in the street.
Mess is what comes from
retarded abilities or delayed action.
I can smell the problem and yet the lure
of staying is still so strong.
The pull-the push may not do the trick
to get me into a brighter head or willing body,
what works is what mostly always works; hunger.
I have to stop swallowing what is fed me
and go find the truth out for myself.
You are reading selections from Sober on the Way to Sane and More Lines From My Life by Sherrie Theriault