What if the word God is like the word nurse? What if the person is only the simple meaning? The actor doing the service, the plain act, uncontrollable from my end. What if my active part of God is the same as my active part of nurse? What I draw down; how I schedule myself to be ready when the milk arrives? How I pull and am satisfied, digest and draw again, like the sea laps at the shore, the moon tugging it all the while. What if God is about my hunger, satisfaction dependent on finding a suitable teat?
Maybe this is why, when it comes to God, much of what I do is cry. When faced with my need, I open my mouth, finding only two possible responses: suck or scream. My aching consumes me and I don’t know how to calm myself. I look for the caretaker, the person, the deed. I need succor, but never look for the breast. I am the child of God; I must learn to draw God in.
Paint a picture of life after expectation.
- Physics. The tendency of a body to resist acceleration.
The tendency of a body at rest to remain at rest
- or of a body in straight line motion to stay in
motion in a straight line unless acted on by an
- outside force. Resistance or disinclination to
motion, action, or change.
This force is real; the laws that govern it act on me for well and ill.
When I’m on a roll it’s hard to guide me
and like the girl with the curl; when I’m stuck,
I’m very, very stuck and it’s awful.
I am bound by this reality and go or stay according to what is set
in motion or stopped, but what about ‘the outside force’?
Am I in charge of summoning ‘it’ or is ‘it’ summonable at all?
Will ‘it’ obey like the dog, or obey like the cat?
Or is ‘it’ more random than the rain?
Can ‘it’ be lured or tempted or does ‘it lure and tempt me?
And the biggest questions on my mind:
Is ‘the outside force’ also subject to inertia?
Are we in this together?
What is ‘its’ outside force?
Might it have something to do with me?
You are reading selections from Sober on the Way to Sane and More Lines From My Life by Sherrie Theriault