New Borne

March 27

 

New Borne

 

What happens when you finally get what you want, what you barely dared to dream?  What happens when you can hardly do more than drip tears down from smiling eyes?  Where do you go with a future filled with proposed joy?  Heaven is an option if only you believed, but hell has been such a perennial destination it’s hard to realize there will be no return trip this year or possibly ever again.  The work required to change from an attitude of longing to one of satisfaction is as real as all the work needed thus far.  Tending love is a host of disciplines I want to step to, like I have done it all my life, like I was born to do it and I was, yet, still growth is accompanied by its own pain and awkwardness and who am I to deny this treat.  Any new life worth living is worth the pain to bear it.

 

 

Turn up your smile

 

*

FEELINGS

Getting my feelings back
Was like a package delivered.
Not a letter bomb
More like live squid or bait of some kind
It was something to catch me out there.

I think overcoming the shock
Was more or less the small part
Though it seemed to loom at the time.
The squirming, the writhing of my soul
Was like a pregnancy following a bad dream.

I wondered how this became a part of me.
I squandered my days
Hoping it would leave quietly some night soon.
Like all difficult relationships
I attempted to hold my breath through it.

Failing this, I tried to offer my feelings a guest wing in my heart
And a never ending supply of tea and cookies.
When the reality of life with feelings planted itself firmly in me
I let out my breath, stopped the hostess act
And endeavored to roll with it.

This worked well.
I have since invested in a wet-suit and fins
The squid are much easier to live with
When I meet them on their turf.

 

 

You are reading selections from More Sober on the Way to Sane and Lines From My Life by Sherrie Theriault

http://www.amazon.com/More-Sober-The-Way-Sane/dp/144141231X/ref=sr_1_3?ie=UTF8&qid=1374072329&sr=8-3&keywords=sober+on+the+way+to+sane

http://www.amazon.com/Lines-My-Life-Sherrie-Theriault/dp/1448652820/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1374072576&sr=1-1&keywords=Lines+from+my+life%2C+Sherrie+theriault

Posted in 12 step recovery, Affirmation, Alcoholics Anonymous, Fear, Feelings, Hope, Humor, Poetry, Sponsorship, Wisdom | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Whirly Gigs

March 26

 

Whirly Gigs

 

Pivot points and reference points subtlety disguised as harmless bric-a-brac escape my comprehension until I either stumble or land on one or the other and ponder the affect.  Realization that much of my life’s contentment hinges like a door shocks me, though I don’t know why it should.  Isn’t it the way of things that it all turns on a whim or at the very least hangs on fine gauged calculation?  I am not the capricious vixen I accuse myself of; I am however human and given to a certain amount of fickle fussy frenzy which all reckons out given enough perspective and wit.

 

 

Resuscitate inspiration

 

 

*

 

CALIBRATE COINCIDENCE

Do good
Do right
Line up with the next movement

Get the universe into the sprockets of my desires
And make the miracles flow in my direction
Ah, The boy scout merit badge of sobriety

I force spiritual alchemy through the pasta maker
Of my small life
Expecting gold

And where is God?
Where is the realness of reality?
Where is my place in this hairy mess?

Well, who knows
Am I the Wizard, the Chemist?
The mechanic of the galaxy?

Though I wish and hope
In truth I am not the one who calibrates coincidence
I am the receiver of.

 

 

You are reading selections from More Sober on the Way to Sane and Lines From My Life by Sherrie Theriault

http://www.amazon.com/More-Sober-The-Way-Sane/dp/144141231X/ref=sr_1_3?ie=UTF8&qid=1374072329&sr=8-3&keywords=sober+on+the+way+to+sane

http://www.amazon.com/Lines-My-Life-Sherrie-Theriault/dp/1448652820/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1374072576&sr=1-1&keywords=Lines+from+my+life%2C+Sherrie+theriault

Posted in 12 step recovery, Affirmation, Alcoholics Anonymous, Hope, Humor, Poetry, Sponsorship, Wisdom | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Two X’s

March 25

 

Two X’s

 

I play sport at the three X folks and their still sometimes skewed thinking.  Yet, I attack myself for feeling like a babe in the woods.  Old and wise should be my stock and trade by now though I find vastness at my door regularly and confidence struggles to peek in the window.  What in the world will I do if I can’t perfect this stuff soon?  Hopefully nothing as foolish as fretting or anything as mean spirited as accusation, possibly I could try reception.  Truly this only comes in gift wrap and after twenty years I would hope I had learned to live in the present.

 

 

Think kindly of chickens if not of cowards

 

*

 

THE ORPHANAGE OF MY HEART

The orphanage of my heart hold many children of the past
They gaze at me
Fixed in an attempt to draw me near their needs

I scurry, often my head down, eyes averted
Not knowing how to offer comfort or consideration
To these hapless souls.

Fearing the largess of poverty
I decline to open my small purse
What could I tender
Other than a tease?

Nearly barren, in my heartbroken, disconsolate, inconsolable state,
I rarely even obligate myself to extending my hand
This is the pit of my idiocy

These wee ones have the world of hope and strength to give
I am their offertory
I am the place where their gold resides
They live inside me to fill me and bind me to life and light

I flee them in the height of misunderstanding
Disconnected from these inner spirits I am impoverished
And far too weak to grasp their help

I too fogged to see the world within
Starve in the world without

 

 

You are reading selections from More Sober on the Way to Sane and Lines From My Life by Sherrie Theriault

http://www.amazon.com/More-Sober-The-Way-Sane/dp/144141231X/ref=sr_1_3?ie=UTF8&qid=1374072329&sr=8-3&keywords=sober+on+the+way+to+sane

http://www.amazon.com/Lines-My-Life-Sherrie-Theriault/dp/1448652820/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1374072576&sr=1-1&keywords=Lines+from+my+life%2C+Sherrie+theriault

Posted in 12 step recovery, Affirmation, Alcoholics Anonymous, Hope, Humor, Poetry, Sponsorship, Wisdom | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Water Buddha

March 24

 

Water Buddha

 

 

The longer on the river I am the less I fear the river.  I still don’t know what lay ahead, anything may wait for me just around the next bend, but I fear this less and less.  Experience is a great foundation no matter what you are building or in which direction.  I’ve gotten my sea-legs, a sure sign of the mind cooperating with the realities the body is experiencing.  I have learned to avoid some forms of trouble and anticipate fortune more often.  Further on could be waterfall, ocean, dam; I will contend with any or all, come what may, for when it comes to riding the river I have learned the most important thing: I don’t need to push.

 

Be left, be right, be yourself

 

*

THE ORDER

I can’t expect delivery if I haven’t placed the order
I never seem to know what I want
Until after I have accepted something else.

I can remember thinking order meant procedure not procurement
Set the table, not end my hunger
I focused on rational intent and turned my face from desire

Assailing outcomes leads to disappointments
Asking for a hole to be filled may cause dumping
Not management or conservation

It’s good to have a plan before signing the requisition
Please help me know who I am
So I know what I want

I can make a request and stop accepting orders of attack
Don’t let me order the end
While I am still at the beginning

 

You are reading selections from More Sober on the Way to Sane and Lines From My Life by Sherrie Theriault

http://www.amazon.com/More-Sober-The-Way-Sane/dp/144141231X/ref=sr_1_3?ie=UTF8&qid=1374072329&sr=8-3&keywords=sober+on+the+way+to+sane

http://www.amazon.com/Lines-My-Life-Sherrie-Theriault/dp/1448652820/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1374072576&sr=1-1&keywords=Lines+from+my+life%2C+Sherrie+theriault

Posted in 12 step recovery, Affirmation, Alcoholics Anonymous, Hope, Humor, Poetry, Sponsorship, Wisdom | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Suddenly

March 23

 

Suddenly

 

Creeping realization has never been my experience with G-d’s handy work in my kitchen.  I start out making a mess and I find in short order that G-d has made a meal; fit food for apt hunger.  I could throw myself into the kneading and shaping, but without the yeast which is so freely given I have no bread; only a lump that will choke me in the end.  Even my very own abilities are gifts I was incapable of offering to myself and are only found here in my possession through sheer grace.  I have woken up with my face saliva glued to the table top far too often only to discover my Higher Power doing and I am grateful; for without that action I would be un-done.

 

 

Learn to live with the shadow of the moon

 

 

*

HOW RED IS RED

I check my color and contrast
I paint the setting sun
Add a bit of yellow
And fill to the edge burgeoning poppies

Add more blue and paint the blood
Which pools around my mind
The equalizer of all my mental conversations

Too much is never enough, as the story goes
I pursue my shades and signatures
Too much for the fingers and not enough for the toes
I disregard fraudulent crimson

I scale the mountains of intention looking for perfection
The leach of my addiction drains the other colors from my rainbow
My sponsor asks only one question
“How red is red?”

 

You are reading selections from More Sober on the Way to Sane and Lines From My Life by Sherrie Theriault

http://www.amazon.com/More-Sober-The-Way-Sane/dp/144141231X/ref=sr_1_3?ie=UTF8&qid=1374072329&sr=8-3&keywords=sober+on+the+way+to+sane

http://www.amazon.com/Lines-My-Life-Sherrie-Theriault/dp/1448652820/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1374072576&sr=1-1&keywords=Lines+from+my+life%2C+Sherrie+theriault

Posted in 12 step recovery, Affirmation, Alcoholics Anonymous, Hope, Humor, Poetry, Sponsorship, Wisdom | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Cleaver Me

March 22

 

Clever Me

 

I am clever, I am so clever, everyone knows it and I know it, too.  So, why do I get slam stuck on the very simple things required to keep my life running smoothly?  I know what needs to be done, yet have no clue as to how to accomplish these threads of minutia.  I stall; panic, plod, pout.  When I do force myself to do it I end up creating either a new pile of impossible incidentals or some anticlimactic end, but secret solutions are as of yet undiscovered.  The whip, the lash and the club avail nothing though sweet enticements do no better.  I pray, “Dear G-d please help me!” but this has no point, I don’t want the help, I am afraid of the help, I am afraid of the change and of course who wouldn’t be?   Beyond here lay someone I don’t know, someone I only fear, beyond here lay the fearless me and I am clever enough to be afraid of her.

 

Fill the potholes in your thinking

 

*

 

THE PROCESS

The mountains don’t wash away like sandcastles
The amount of persistence required is far greater.
Acorns don’t work like sunflowers
Not everything is instant gratification.

Marathons aren’t run in seconds
If you don’t love the whole adventure, pick a smaller goal
There is no shame in sunflowers or sandcastles or microwave popcorn
As long as you want it and hold it in esteem

Time-consuming, life-consuming journeys
Have a high price in boredom
And are not worth the consumption
If that is not where your heart leads you

You don’t have to love washing the pans
To be a good baker
But it helps
Peace is in the process.

 

You are reading selections from More Sober on the Way to Sane and Lines From My Life by Sherrie Theriault

http://www.amazon.com/More-Sober-The-Way-Sane/dp/144141231X/ref=sr_1_3?ie=UTF8&qid=1374072329&sr=8-3&keywords=sober+on+the+way+to+sane

http://www.amazon.com/Lines-My-Life-Sherrie-Theriault/dp/1448652820/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1374072576&sr=1-1&keywords=Lines+from+my+life%2C+Sherrie+theriault

Posted in 12 step recovery, Affirmation, Alcoholics Anonymous, Hope, Humor, Poetry, Sponsorship, Wisdom | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

When is enough, enough?

March 21

 

When is enough, enough?

 

“What is the difference between full and all?  Don’t know?  Well, let me tell you,” said my sponsor with a wink.  “Full is when the broccoli that went perfectly with the entrée leaves a pleasant smile on your face, full is when the arrow on the gas gauge points to F, these are little indicators of full.  Indications that you have reached all: the wet scary feeling in your mouth after your second piece of pie, all is the gas pouring down the side of your car because you have to try to squeeze more in.”

“Yes, yes,” I reply, “I know when I’ve overdone it; I resent everyone or at least I am cranky about everything.  I know when I’m under doing it, too; I get either a lost feeling or the sense that I should be in charge, but how do I really know that I am doing enough?”

“If your sponsor has a good idea of where you are mentally, physically and spiritually; if the people in your home group can count on you to contribute service regularly.  If most people in most meetings know not just your face, but also your name.  If your sponsees freely admit that you are their sponsor, those are sure signs.  Though the biggest signal for me is how constant my contact is.  If I’m reluctant to pray I’m usually not doing enough of something.”

 

 

Learn from pain

 

*

MATH

If this is the solution why aren’t I happy?
I ask my sponsor in a piteous whine.
You’ve run the equation and the solution equals happiness?
She queries, that’s the whole and total answer?
How many times did you go through the computations?

What’s your point?
Are you saying happiness isn’t the answer?
What about joy and freedom?
I heard someone say that was the goal
I know that’s what I heard.

Let’s think about it for a hot second
What would you think
If I worked the steps as hard as I do
And as a result walked around in a perpetual grin?
I’d think you had lost your mind.

So you’re telling me you believe
The product of recovery is idiocy?
The thing we all are aspiring to is bliss and nothing but?
No, I guess not.
Then what is the solution for you? I ask.

A tally which fits the day I’m having
Joy sometimes fits that bill
But other days it’s sadness or concern
There have been days when disbelief
And dismay were part of the appropriate response.

For me, the solution is having an equation
That helps me respond to life
Instead of reacting to it.
That’s better than unending happiness
That’s wholeness she said with a grin

 

 

You are reading selections from More Sober on the Way to Sane and Lines From My Life by Sherrie Theriault

http://www.amazon.com/More-Sober-The-Way-Sane/dp/144141231X/ref=sr_1_3?ie=UTF8&qid=1374072329&sr=8-3&keywords=sober+on+the+way+to+sane

http://www.amazon.com/Lines-My-Life-Sherrie-Theriault/dp/1448652820/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1374072576&sr=1-1&keywords=Lines+from+my+life%2C+Sherrie+theriault

Posted in 12 step recovery, Affirmation, Alcoholics Anonymous, Hope, Humor, Poetry, Sponsorship, Wisdom | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment