The Privilege of Sunrise

October 22

 

THE PRIVILEGE OF SUN RISE

 

 

I wake, happily, at 5:30.  I will again see the show beyond compare.  In stark contrast to the mornings I filled with moping or sober angst, shades of the same dark color, I shuck my covers, bathing and dressing with purpose, and propel myself forward.  I hate to miss the first act.  Dawn, the tint of clouds dusky and sweet.  I’m on my route; I start my open-eyed prayer.  For all those living at the hands of an addict, Be with them.  Please.  For the addicts, help us all to fail fast.

I scan the horizon, checking all the views.  I reflect on the striking change, earthbound green and gold, sky held pink, orange and blue.  The silhouettes of trees exquisitely lit from behind, the sweet moon sharing the sunrise with me, add to the pleasure of my drive.  I start my gratitude list.  Beginning with my sobriety…each moment, the people, the life, the thinking, the feeling, and my ability to share it all with you.

 

 

Don’t become overly fond of nothingness for it may consume you.

*

 

Jacks

 

 

Born crazy, is that better than becoming deranged?

Do birth affects excuse my unrepentant glee?

Does irrepressible sardonic wit

explain the order of restless exposition?

 

Can you count on Cicadic enthusiasm to carry me,

or flightless fancy to keep me down?

I am beyond redemption, beyond reception, beyond device.

 

I arrived riddled with chaotic cracks,

but I am more than just a glaze

and deep down I’m more than sound,

 

So walk with my wild side

and your thoughts I’ll rearrange.

 

 

 

You are reading selections from Sober on the Way to Sane and More Lines From My Life by Sherrie Theriault

http://www.amazon.com/Sober-On-The-Way-Sane/dp/1440417342/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1388576888&sr=8-1&keywords=sober+on+the+way+to+sane

http://www.amazon.com/More-Lines-From-My-Life/dp/1448677203/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1388576956&sr=8-1&keywords=More+Lines+From+My+Life

Posted in Hope, Alcoholics Anonymous, Wisdom, 12 step recovery, Humor, Affirmation, Poetry, Sponsorship | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Reflections of You

October 21

 

REFLECTIONS OF YOU

 

 

When people meet me they listen and stare, then the familiar words tumble from their mouths, “there is something about you.”  I know it’s the reflection of every person I saw at the meeting last night, the sober voices that created them, also the mirror of years spent in rooms just the same.  I know this is what is seen in me.  The bright light shines on me and the prism of time fans the colors to my new acquaintance.  I thank my Higher Power for letting me be a spectral instrument and I am grateful to the fellowship for shining the light on and through me.

 

 

Recycle absolutes into planters.

*

 

 

 

Canine Comprehension

 

 

I wonder what it is that the dog knows.

True love, quantum physics,

the ratio of lift to thrust required to make the ball fly,

how food shared from my plate

is better than food from her bowl.

 

This begs the next question.

What do I really know; song lyrics, nursery rhymes,

old scores from old grudges?

 

What I hope I have learned;

is the space it takes to keep an open mind,

the willingness required to make a real change,

and the width, depth and breath of honest affection.

 

If I haven’t learned these things

I will put them at the top of my list of things to do.

Because I believe I can teach this old dog a few new tricks.

 

 

You are reading selections from Sober on the Way to Sane and More Lines From My Life by Sherrie Theriault

http://www.amazon.com/Sober-On-The-Way-Sane/dp/1440417342/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1388576888&sr=8-1&keywords=sober+on+the+way+to+sane

http://www.amazon.com/More-Lines-From-My-Life/dp/1448677203/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1388576956&sr=8-1&keywords=More+Lines+From+My+Life

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Walking Joy Home

October 20

 

WALKING JOY HOME

 

 

I make sure to walk joy home not because I doubt her ability to find it alone, rather because it gives me extra time with her.  I used to fear joy, that I would be intoxicated by her presence and lose my well-hardened grasp on realism.  Now I see that without joy in my life there is no realism, that it was only cynicism masquerading in its place.  Joy is simple and unassuming.  I often confuse her with ecstasy and scoot away in shy terror.  Joy is nice to have around.  She is not just a party animal; sometimes I invite her over for a cup of tea.  When we are done I take the winding path to savor every step up to her door.

 

 

If you can’t lay down your burden move it from hand to hand.

*

 

Resilience

 

When I experience trauma or drama

my heart and soul return to the toddler state;

I feel the urge to stay up and push forward.

I resist help and rest.

 

I try to override animal need in favor of intellectual prowess.

Bleary eyed and red-faced, I soldier on,

only managing to make my life  into a ceaseless fight.

 

My charm and wit wear thin; then wear out.

I need to recharge my batteries,

need to hit reset and restore my default settings.

 

It is hard for me to accept that I must lie down

in order to get up again.

Restoration is impossible to achieve from my battle stance.

 

Resilience is a bouncing ball.

What I want to rise I must first throw down.

 

 

You are reading selections from Sober on the Way to Sane and More Lines From My Life by Sherrie Theriault

http://www.amazon.com/Sober-On-The-Way-Sane/dp/1440417342/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1388576888&sr=8-1&keywords=sober+on+the+way+to+sane

http://www.amazon.com/More-Lines-From-My-Life/dp/1448677203/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1388576956&sr=8-1&keywords=More+Lines+From+My+Life

Posted in 12 step recovery, Affirmation, Alcoholics Anonymous, Hope, Humor, Joy, Poetry, Resilience, Sponsorship, Wisdom | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Marmalade

October 19

 

MARMALADE

 

 

Marmalade, bitter and sweet, spread across my spiritual toast; zest and sticky solution mix and cover the surface.  I bite down taking in the start of my day.  Past this point anything is possible, fame or disaster, a dreary fog-filled morning or cloudless afternoon.  Seeing the passing populous, I alternately advance and retreat from this human wall.  Response and responsibility tattletale their way to my reactionary will.  The tightrope sways over river of potential; balance is more than a desire, it is a necessity.  So I enjoy my breakfast tea and watch the marmalade melt as I dip my bread in my well-steeped brew.  The parade will start soon enough; I need this time before I launch into the fray.

 

 

Start a fire in your mind.

*

 

 

 

Self Importance

 

 

When I am over sensitive and everything

that everyone does looms large for me,

I am more likely to think

that I am a driving force in the lives of others.

 

It’s a funny connection in the same way

that when I scratch the dogs tummy her foot paddles;

when I am not getting my needs met

I tend to believe I am in this world

to meet the needs of others.

 

Often when in this mindset I also delude myself further

to worry that I may be the only person

who can help these other people.

 

I have been training myself to throw a flag

on any and all plays where I am that important.

I try to bring all action to a stop

and get right sized about who I am

and how important I am and to whom and why.

 

It’s not that I don’t have value,

I have the same value as everyone else,

but when I shortchange my needs and my feelings,

over responsibility to others mushrooms

and this is not good for anyone; me least of all.

 

As with most things,

if I find out what is right for me

it tends to be right for those around me,

even if I can’t see that at the time.

 

 

 

You are reading selections from Sober on the Way to Sane and More Lines From My Life by Sherrie Theriault

http://www.amazon.com/Sober-On-The-Way-Sane/dp/1440417342/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1388576888&sr=8-1&keywords=sober+on+the+way+to+sane

http://www.amazon.com/More-Lines-From-My-Life/dp/1448677203/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1388576956&sr=8-1&keywords=More+Lines+From+My+Life

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My Heroine

October 18

 

MY HEROINE

 

 

The corpse that is my childhood is mine to protect from the wolves and rats of denial and collusion.  The infant who commits suicide in self-defense is my heroine.  The pure thinking of an uncluttered mind seizes on the only possible way for me to survive.  Her death at her own hand is my rescue.  If the bad had killed her I would have died with her.  In her plan, I was left as the seed she ejected in her assent.  She is gone from this place; I feel her only as the wisp of memory.  The tiny body laid flat on the carpet, her pressed pinafore somehow more alive than she, is the unfinished business of prevention.  As long as I see her there and do not walk away from my responsibility and never forget she protected me with the life she never lived, I am free to live this life.

 

 

Throw ice cubes up for God to catch.

 

*

Earl Grey is not my Friend

 

Scabby knees is what I look for;

I need to be with those who climb,

not those who slide.

 

I hate to say it, but looking cool

and sitting on the sidelines

does nothing for me or my sobriety.

 

I have to build those calluses,

require patches in my clothes,

carry a hammer to pound in those spikes.

 

If I don’t see tools in your hands

and bodily evidence that you have been using them,

I really don’t have time for you.

 

This is a “let’s go, lets go” kind of recovery for me

and if it isn’t for you then have fun

and I hope you have a good seat,

but I am not staying for your tea party;

I have no time for tarts.

 

 

 

 

You are reading selections from Sober on the Way to Sane and More Lines From My Life by Sherrie Theriault

http://www.amazon.com/Sober-On-The-Way-Sane/dp/1440417342/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1388576888&sr=8-1&keywords=sober+on+the+way+to+sane

http://www.amazon.com/More-Lines-From-My-Life/dp/1448677203/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1388576956&sr=8-1&keywords=More+Lines+From+My+Life

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Fishing for Contentment

October 17

 

FISHING FOR CONTENTMENT

 

 

Fishing for contentment is a wonderful pastime but what is used for bait?  Is there a delicacy to dangle before contentment to lure it into my life?  Can I crumble the best biscotti and leave a trail to my door?  I don’t believe contentment swims around waiting to be caught.  I think it’s more like the wild yeast that finds its way to my starter.  If I put the ingredients in my life, contentment will rise to the occasion.

 

 

Renew your own understanding of the word NO.

 

*

Where do I live?

 

 

Fleeter of foot is my goal.

I race to catch the prize thoroughbreds as they flee.

I play chase, I win, I lose, I fall in the mud, I break my leg.

 

None of this does anything for the horses either,

they are loose and confused;

off  like a shot, but nowhere to go.

 

I buy better shoes, hire a trainer,

put reflective tack on the stallions and the mares.

In short I go broke.

 

I had the world of possibilities before me and it ran away;

all because I didn’t close the barn door.

 

 

 

 

You are reading selections from Sober on the Way to Sane and More Lines From My Life by Sherrie Theriault

http://www.amazon.com/Sober-On-The-Way-Sane/dp/1440417342/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1388576888&sr=8-1&keywords=sober+on+the+way+to+sane

http://www.amazon.com/More-Lines-From-My-Life/dp/1448677203/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1388576956&sr=8-1&keywords=More+Lines+From+My+Life

Posted in 12 step recovery, Affirmation, Alcoholics Anonymous, Hope, Humor, live bait, Living in Today, Living Life, Poetry, Sponsorship, Wisdom | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Hide and Seek

October 16

 

HIDE AND SEEK

 

I have sought You high and low, but like the rain, You have always found me.  I, like a cold, wet cat on a winter’s day, peer into warm lit windows hoping You will be home.  I seek, to keep me moving.  You find me for some unknown reason.  I have given up naming You.  I trust You know who you are, in spite of the fact I do not.  You are places I don’t know and doing things I think better of.  Citing the list of errands I daily make for You, not to beleaguer You, but the unfinished list of history trails out of my pocket, and I worry I may possess Your only copy of this injustice list.  There have been days of peace, days I don’t think too much, days I turn away from my history lessons and future projections.  My ultimate problem is with the equal sign.  I run the numbers and it figures inequity.  I check my calculations and shake the calculator of my mind.  Deeply, I fear You’re a one god and do not comprehend the implications of zero.  If you multiply with only things above the naught, You may be unaware of nothingness, the empty things I feel when I can’t seem to find You.  Self-possessed, insensitive of the cipher, Your dimensions stay positive.  Bring me into Your realm or join me in the void.  I seek You, but You have found me.

 

Weigh your demands and don’t let them tip your scale.

*

 

 

 

Bowman Beach

 

 

The swirl with the flash of teeth

that I backed away from turned out to be dolphin,

but that didn’t make me safer,

strangers are strangers no matter who their PR team is.

 

When I am out of my element fear grows long leads

and I am bound by these limits.

Who I am under new circumstances

is a discovery I make as time flies by.

 

Can I swim and play with exuberance

or will I drown trying to catch up?

I am able and disabled,

the line is tied from the back and I don’t know its length.

 

I unreel as much slack as I can and test my reach,

but still I must keep my wary eye and be careful of the deep.

 

 

You are reading selections from Sober on the Way to Sane and More Lines From My Life by Sherrie Theriault

http://www.amazon.com/Sober-On-The-Way-Sane/dp/1440417342/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1388576888&sr=8-1&keywords=sober+on+the+way+to+sane

http://www.amazon.com/More-Lines-From-My-Life/dp/1448677203/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1388576956&sr=8-1&keywords=More+Lines+From+My+Life

Posted in 12 step recovery, Affirmation, Alcoholics Anonymous, Hiding, Hope, Humor, Poetry, Sponsorship, Wisdom | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment