Solidity

April 21

 

 

 

SOLIDITY

 

 

Apprehension stands in the archeological site that is my life…listening.  Listening for the rumble of a cement truck to come and help solidify the shifting and tenuous nature of my existence.  A wet and sloppy solution.  A solution to be raked and smoothed, covered and cured.  Something to build a monument on or a place to park my car.  The nearby grass looks lush and green but I dare not leave apprehension alone or it spreads.  I stand with it on bad days and against it on good ones.  I pray for the mixer to arrive or at least the gravel spreader.  I need to fill this hole so it can be a life and stop being a grave.

 

 

When your emotions are at low tide, explore the shoreline for shells and trinkets.

*

 

 

More Better

 

 

When I take a break from my idyllic life,

trading up to paradise,

I balk at thoughts of returning

to the simply marvelous

day to day I have worked so hard to attain.

 

Self accusation floods under the door,

but I whimilate it with fact.

My reluctance to turn my back on a good thing

is an asset which many days keeps me sober.

 

I greedily seize every improvement

and hold on for dear life.

If reflections of the past

even held a glimmer for me I might worry;

 

I turn from all but the highest good.

I don’t regret the past

but I shall never return to it.

 

 

You are reading selections from Sober on the Way to Sane and More Lines From My Life by Sherrie Theriault

http://www.amazon.com/Sober-On-The-Way-Sane/dp/1440417342/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1388576888&sr=8-1&keywords=sober+on+the+way+to+sane

http://www.amazon.com/More-Lines-From-My-Life/dp/1448677203/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1388576956&sr=8-1&keywords=More+Lines+From+My+Life

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Rank

April 20

 

 

RANK

 

 

I took an area level service position and my sponsor laughed herself off her chair.

“What is your motivation for this?” she asked.

“I want to move up through the service structure,” my reply.

“Are you trying to make rank?”

“Problem with that?”  I ask.

“Ever heard of self-fulfilling prophecy?  You will become what you desire.  You will become rank and you will stink.  The triangle is inverted to help you clean up your act.  Don’t get washed away in a tide of ego.”

I put down my swim fins and removed my epaulets.

 

 

 

Listen intently enough to hear the music of the planets spinning in your mind.

*

 

 

 

 

Bummed

I accept change

like coins slipped into a cup

that sits beside me on the curb.

Never did it occur to me

that I look in need of pity

or alms from strangers;

Which is to say

I don’t accept much these days,

yet I do not fight it either.

I keep my head down

when I can no longer fend off the inevitable.

I may not win control or compliance,

Might not remain strong enough to fight another day,

but this too is a blessing somehow.

A laying down of arms.

Money in my pocket

makes the world a funny place to endure

when I’m living in the tiny room in my head.

What good news it would be

if I learned to throw the windows open

and let the day take me.

This time it’s God

that needs to wear the ear muffs

and lead me through the coldness of change.

On my own I just walk farther

down the blind alleys

and fold myself on this sidewalk in exhaustion.

I don’t like the tea or the sympathy,

but I don’t think I would mind if God took me in.

 

 

You are reading selections from Sober on the Way to Sane and More Lines From My Life by Sherrie Theriault

http://www.amazon.com/Sober-On-The-Way-Sane/dp/1440417342/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1388576888&sr=8-1&keywords=sober+on+the+way+to+sane

http://www.amazon.com/More-Lines-From-My-Life/dp/1448677203/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1388576956&sr=8-1&keywords=More+Lines+From+My+Life

Posted in 12 step recovery, Alcoholics Anonymous, bummed, Hope, Humor, Poetry, Sponsorship, Wisdom | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Drowning Naked

April 19

 

 

 

DROWNING NAKED

 

 

Bare and exposed, I laid myself on the altar of my home group.  With AA as my only Source, I emptied the contents of my soul and bore the mantle of overexposure.  But vultures lurked in many rooms.  I was safely guided, by persons of my gender, to the more secluded and effective place of transmission.  I thrust myself into the arms and mind of my sponsor.  She escorted me up the steps with the door closed and taught me how and when it could be prudently opened.  AA is a power greater than me.  So is the ocean.  Precaution needs to be taken when wading in.  Care must be exercised as to how much to bare.

 

 

Wrap your intentions in wool to keep them warm and in gold to keep them untarnished.

*

 

 

 

Bound

 

 

The reason the sleeves of my disease

wrap around and tie in the back

is so that I will struggle with change.

 

Alcoholism is my straightjacket

and my goal is that ‘loose garment life’

I’ve heard so much about.

 

The sweat I work up

from railing against my confining existence

causes petulance, frothing and enervation,

 

Defeat is the landing on which I collapse,

acceptance a flight of steps away.

My ailment leads me to believe

I have nothing to hold onto as I adjust.

 

Though this isn’t true,

the fact remains that this is still

a process of letting go.

 

 

You are reading selections from Sober on the Way to Sane and More Lines From My Life by Sherrie Theriault

http://www.amazon.com/Sober-On-The-Way-Sane/dp/1440417342/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1388576888&sr=8-1&keywords=sober+on+the+way+to+sane

http://www.amazon.com/More-Lines-From-My-Life/dp/1448677203/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1388576956&sr=8-1&keywords=More+Lines+From+My+Life

Posted in 12 step recovery, Affirmation, Alcoholics Anonymous, Hope, Humor, Poetry, Sponsorship, Wisdom | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment

Claw Marks

April 18

 

 

 

CLAW MARKS

 

 

There is a brackish river whose current changes direction twice a day.  Its bed is well washed on every side.  It begs the question: which way is downhill?  There are times I struggle uphill in both directions.  There are times I slip from every slope.  What was up is often down.  Judgment of topography requires distance.  Scaling the surface takes tenacity.  I plan on leaving my mark as I go, life’s residue staining my fingertips.

 

 

Design caution signs for your emotions.

*

 

 

What I Take from Laban’s House

 

 

If I have the audacity to have a problem

I must provide the instantaneous solution

or be the cause of world-wide panic.

Additionally it is the height of rudeness

to have open-ended dilemma.

 

It makes the gods uncomfortable,

makes them shift in their seats

and wish me away.

 

I prevent banishment

by either being problem free

or solution-full

 

When the answers are not to their liking

I exile myself saving them the inconvenience

and me the embarrassment.

 

It is never good to implode the household deities,

you never know when you might need one

for historic perspective or a door stop.

 

 

 

 

You are reading selections from Sober on the Way to Sane and More Lines From My Life by Sherrie Theriault

http://www.amazon.com/Sober-On-The-Way-Sane/dp/1440417342/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1388576888&sr=8-1&keywords=sober+on+the+way+to+sane

http://www.amazon.com/More-Lines-From-My-Life/dp/1448677203/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1388576956&sr=8-1&keywords=More+Lines+From+My+Life

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Luck

April 17

 

 

LUCK

 

Luck, transposed for gratitude, makes a mockery of grief and loss.  If you are lucky, what does that make me?  The forgotten?  The orphan of fate?  If what I lost and what it cost me is just a lack of fortune, then why do right?  What is sea level?  I may deserve all the sweetness in the world but what explains the pain?  I’ve heard that life’s not fair and laughed at the underestimation of the claim.  If pain is the touchstone of growth and you are lucky and I’m hurt, does that make you short?  And what is the point of growing tall?

 

 

Blow kisses to stars which look familiar.

 

*

Ground Floor

 

 

Step 10 is the place where the doors slide open

and I discover I am out of the basement.

I have to pay close attention to where my feet are;

it is so easy to stumble here in the light of day.

 

Obvious limitations and universally accepted interpretations

are pried from installation and put on trial.

Never is it acceptable to allow my alcoholic thinking

to make decisions for my sober life.

 

The road to my door must be kept clear

so I can get out to do my part

and so  God can come home to me.

 

 

You are reading selections from Sober on the Way to Sane and More Lines From My Life by Sherrie Theriault

http://www.amazon.com/Sober-On-The-Way-Sane/dp/1440417342/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1388576888&sr=8-1&keywords=sober+on+the+way+to+sane

http://www.amazon.com/More-Lines-From-My-Life/dp/1448677203/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1388576956&sr=8-1&keywords=More+Lines+From+My+Life

Posted in 12 step recovery, Alcoholics Anonymous, Humor, luck, Poetry, Wisdom | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Napping

April 16

 

 

 

NAPPING

 

 

Too often, I have lifted the edge of the lawn in an attempt to join the worms for a bit of a dirt nap.  Or I crawled into a self-constructed cave to bear my feelings and hibernate from life.  The times I sprint with the deer, jumping the fences in hopes of escaping the wolves, these are all the times when I forget who I am.  I forget to ask direction, fail to make a meeting.  Seeing those of my ilk puts my feet on the ground, focuses my perspective on just what sort of creature I am.  I can’t always follow my instincts when I don’t know who I am.  I can’t see myself until I stand next to you.

 

 

 

Relax one toe at a time.

 

 

*

In Training

 

Like a faithful dog that was hard to train,

patience is a thing hoped for

yet peevish during the breaking in.

Stanch companionability is hard won,

but worth the cost of acquisition.

 

And what is the price I truly paid in the end;

whatever I gave in the pursuit of patience

was a cheap babysitter

and kept me from far worse reformation.

 

For what would I do in this late day and age

as a tempest torn toddler,

no bottle to sooth my woes and bothers.

 

Strictly speaking this is a world ill suited

to the edgy intolerant masses

and only seems to fit those who can mark time and bend.

 

You are reading selections from Sober on the Way to Sane and More Lines From My Life by Sherrie Theriault

http://www.amazon.com/Sober-On-The-Way-Sane/dp/1440417342/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1388576888&sr=8-1&keywords=sober+on+the+way+to+sane

http://www.amazon.com/More-Lines-From-My-Life/dp/1448677203/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1388576956&sr=8-1&keywords=More+Lines+From+My+Life

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Trap Door

April 15

 

TRAP DOOR

 

 

The trap door of my mind opens occasionally and I find myself acting out things better left to conversation.  When I leave too many things unsaid, the pressure builds and the door opens.  My thoughts connect with my body minus the benefit of my brain, not to mention the brain of my sponsor.  I can ill afford the consequences of these open door exhibitions and I am obligated to spend much time scrambling up the hills my outlandishness slid down.  Thinking, speaking and contemplating, the prerequisites of action, must be done frequently or my mind’s sink, piled with my dirty dishes, will flood the counter top, then leave dishes crashing to the floor.  Even if I can’t keep everything caught up, at least I can leave things soaking.  I can start notes or little chats so I am not weighting the latch.  I can prevent the coupling of impulse and exploit. All I have to do is stick out my tongue.

 

 

Release your emotions from captivity.

 

*

 

 

Like an Elf Working in an Empty Tree

 

The chairs in the loft are empty,

but I still hear the choir sing.

The bottle though it’s empty,

still sometimes calls my name.

 

Though front pocket is empty

and there is rolled up empty sleeve,

still the nicotine haunts my dreams.

 

On this empty road I travel,

I still long for company.

The stillness is not all that’s empty,

but I run to fill that spot.

 

Chaos is like a tapeworm

it eats me from the inside,

but in the meantime I still believe it’s filling me.

 

 

 

You are reading selections from Sober on the Way to Sane and More Lines From My Life by Sherrie Theriault

http://www.amazon.com/Sober-On-The-Way-Sane/dp/1440417342/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1388576888&sr=8-1&keywords=sober+on+the+way+to+sane

http://www.amazon.com/More-Lines-From-My-Life/dp/1448677203/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1388576956&sr=8-1&keywords=More+Lines+From+My+Life

Posted in 12 step recovery, Affirmation, Alcoholics Anonymous, Hope, Humor, Poetry, Sponsorship, Wisdom | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment